Bruised

Listening to: Jack's Mannequin

I've got my things,
I'm good to go
You met me at the terminal
Just one more plane ride and it's done

We stood like statues at the gate
Vacation's come and gone too late
There's so much sun where I'm from
I had to give it away, had to give you away

And we spent four days on an
Island at your family's old hotel
Sometimes perfection can be
It can be perfect hell, perfect...

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast.
Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last?
This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised

I lace my Chucks, I walk the aisle
I take my pills, the babies cry
All I hear is what's playing through
The in-flight radio
Now every word of every song
I ever heard that made me wanna stay
Is what's playing through
The in-flight radio, and I
And I am, finally waking up
Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
Don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised, yeah

So read your books, but stay out late
Some nights, some nights, and don't think
That you can't stop by the bar
You haven't shown your face here since the bad news
Well I'm here till close, with fingers crossed
Each night cause your place isn't far
And hours pass, and hours pass, yeah, yeah...
Yeah, yeah, she still counts the minutes
That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane is all I got
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised, bruised, bruised

I still can't believe we didn't make it...
That you are so far away.
Come home.

It wouldn't be the same.
I still sometimes daydream that you will come back.
That we will stick a band-aid on it and be okay.
I can smell you.
I have memorized the curves of your body from head to toe.
I miss you.

I am scared of December.
How do I let you go again?
I want to be over you, over us.
I simply am not.

Too girly to handle. Gross.

Again?! Ugh. So cruel.

Last night was, ... fun.

I am such a girl.

Really hate it sometimes.
Went to Waxahachie last night. What a town. I had to drive to Ennis for beer, LAME. (Might I add that my entire family tree and then a thousand more Slovaks live in Ennis.)
I had forgotten I had only eaten a handful of edemame beans the entire day, therefore ended up way to drunk off of way to little to drink, LAME. I apparently missed out on some great conversation and an entire movie. I did however watch this amazing movie with Maggie Gyllenhall (sp?) as a submissive secretary... SO GOOD. I want a love like that, haha. She was so persistent. Persistence is not something typically valued in the chase. Too bad.

The dog I was only to visit is now the newest member of my family.

Not quite sure how I feel about it,... but he is here. It just sort of happened. I was on the phone with Julian (of course) all the way up to Denton and he knew the entire time I would go home with the dog... because I "fall in love with every creature I meet". I suppose this is true. So much for self control. It really was tragic, though. These punk college guys were not taking care of him well at all. Within minutes I had learned that they gave him beer and weed. Its one thing to partake in those as a human... but REALLY!? Its an 8 month old dog. No need for drugs and alchohol. So here he is. He continually humps Will, and poor Will completely submits to this torture while I cry in horror. It really is a freak show at my house. Not to mention prior to his new crate, I left him alone for an hour and he destroyed my apt. Ugh. I should have known. He is completely potty trained minus the occasional spray in the dog toy aisle at Petsmart, but I no longer have working blinds, window screens, or a doorframe. I am getting it all replaced this week. Yayyyy. He still needs a name.

...Here's to the nights...

Going to meet a Beagle dog.

LISTENING TO: Fool In the Rain- Led Zeppelin.
<--- this is what i look like when I sing this song. The weather this week has been glorious.



I am looking forward to much more of it!
Tonight I am going to go meet a beagle dog to see if I want to adopt him.

I have decided that Will Feral needs a friend


He watches Animal Planet all day and I am pretty sure he is tired of it.

The beagle dog is 8mos old and needs a loving home.
I am debating whether mine is the right one for him.
I am the girl at Starbucks or White Rock eyeing someone else's pet.
I envy those that sip and read with their trusty canine friend at their feet.
Or the girl running with puppy in tow. Seems like a lifestyle I would enjoy.
We will see.


"I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world I have to find..."


P.S. I love my job.

Just call me Left Eye.

I have a steye in my ... Left Eye.

My eye is swollen.

Lovely.

I spent an hour and a half at CVS trying to choose a remedy.

Nothing is working.

Yuck.

On a much brighter and less disgusting note, I picked a Halloween costume!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Watch out Liza!

AlSO. SMU just flew out the window yesterday. As did my happiness.

I thought I would be able to start fresh, from scratch, no classes, no college credits.

Therefore, no transcripts. WRONG.

I was quite persistent after that news... and was actually able to speak with the Dean of UNT...

of which I owe $5,466.15 directly.

Long story short, I was really sick my freshman year, was in teh hospital for a week, and still sick after. Didnt take out loans I promised to... forgetting about the short term money the school loaned me.

I did my best to stick it out during my freshman year... having no knowledge that I could withdraw midsemester.

Apparently had I given up and done that, the school could write off my debt and grades...

but nope. I was a trooper. It bit me in the ass.

Woops.

Live and learn, right?

BUT!

"I get by with a little help from my friends.."

Jules is helping me budget.

Hampton is helping me start an etsy store, and having craft night w me so I can stay productive.

I will hopefully pay this off, and then I can go to school!

***I am accepting donations***

I am off to Luke's Eric Roberson sign making party.

Labor in exchange for food and beer. Brilliant.

Of course I'll work for food.

love, taylor.

For Goodness' sake, Love.

Listening to: Viva la Vida by Coldplay.

Today was... long.
5225 Maple is being audited...
I volunteered to help out, so I worked on my day off.
Excel can...bug off.

I was exhausted when I got home, fell asleep.
Mom called and woke me up, and I had nothing to do really,
so I picked up a book.

One of six that I am reading.
If only I could finish one!

I just began Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.
I know, I know, I am a little behind... but I am catching up.
Slowly.

I am enjoying it, it's definitely an easy read. His style is entertaining, not so dry.
As far as his views on Christianity and the whole bit, ... well, we will see.

I am finding myself still very torn between the relationship I once had with the Church,
and the less Fundamental views I have recently begun molding to.
I realize it takes time. But this state of Limbo is a bit uncomfortable.
Not that I believe for one second, that I am on this earth to feel comfortable.

Religion itself is a game of Russian Roulette...

There is just so much out there...

I have so much to read to even begin to grasp where I stand on the basic issues of the Church.
I don't feel I am well rounded or well read enough to make an educated stance.
I'm getting there.

Anyways,
My whole point of bringing up today's events was to get into what happened as I was reading.
Its not often I can appreciate silence... or tolerate it for very long.
No matter how necessary it is- which I believe it to be very much so...
I am absolutely terrified of it. (That's another blog for another day)

Today, however, I was enjoying it.
And then it was interrupted.
Figures.

But what happened next still leaves my stomach unsettled hours later.
I heard my neighbors arguing.
I'm sure you're thinking, yeah, yeah... okay?

They are of an asian ethnicity, and were yelling in their own language.
As I was walking through the bathroom to pinpoint the noise... I froze.

My heart began to hurt.
Deeply.
What started out as a dull throb, quickly grew to a sharp and numbing sensation.
It literally hurt for these people. And not just this family, but for all of humanity.
Its been a long while since I have been involved in a three-way family argument.
Years I'd say. Sure, I deal with my mother multiple times a week over the phone, ...
but this... this was different.

I wanted to run over to them, shake them and remind them how fleeting this life really is, how fragile we are. LOVE. For goodness' sake... LOVE.
I am not sure if it was the language they were speaking in, or the actual words they were saying... but something about this argument... these words... they were razor sharp.
So sharp, I could feel them cutting in... deeper and deeper. With their double edged tongues, they kept going. You could hear the hurt in their voices. If only I could understand what they were saying... then again, did I really want to know?

I wanted to pull away from the wall- yes, at this point I was eagerly and nosily pressed up against the wall. Typical woman. I can totally see Kerri doing the same thing. She meddles almost as much as I do. I love it. I couldn't leave... eventually I was feeling so burnt out and hopeless I had to. I rushed out of my apartment, for if I heard any more, I might have actually knocked on their door to mediate.

But it really hit me. We spend so much energy in these heated moments... for what?

I felt awful. I was reminded of all the awful things I have said to people I love.
It is never simply the words said, but how they are said. I can be a cruel, cruel woman.
I have been. On too many an occasion. Our hearts are so delicate... branded with scars from the journey... I should have held my tongue. Shut my mouth. Stopped thinking about my damn self for one stinking moment and sat and looked at the person I loved so much, that I was so quickly tearing to shreds.
Who am I anyway?
You are golden.
You're a marigold... I am weeds.
Especially with that mouth of mine.

If you happen to be reading this... and I have snorted off to you at some point or another.
Forgive me.
Life is too short.
I do love each and every one of you DEARLY.
Maybe next time... I will remember that.

I hope they resolved their issues, whatever they may be.
And I hope at the end of the day... when the silence takes us over,
love will lie heavy on our hearts. Not the circumstancial kind, or the
self satisfying kind...
but the love he showed us.
And as we lie there... to remember..

I don't deserve a single ounce.

But I will try to give, give, give.

That's how it was supposed to be.
That I am sure of.

sooo.... last night was... fun.

Even hurricanes have feelings.

Listening to: Here Comes the Sun -The Beatles

Dear Gustav and friends,

Thank you for the cool weather.
It really feels nice, and makes me smile.
I am able to open my windows in my office,
and it makes my day so much brighter!
However, I think we need to have a chit chat.

I really do encourage you guys to take it easy...
Let's not be so dramatic and destructive.
Surely you can find something else to do
with your time. I mean really... is it so
necessary to destroy everything
and put people out of their homes?
How would you feel if I made you leave?

I think someone has some self esteem issues.
We can talk about this.
Its ok, we have all been there.
I know, I know... you're a bit large...
but you have alot going for you.
Maybe try some yoga for that anger?
Works wonders with me.
It will change your physique, too!

Before it you'll be a whole new....

Well, anyways. Just keep it in mind.
And guys... seriously. You know my number.
Next time you're stumbling upon a fit of rage...
Call me. I'll help you with your breathing excercises.

Love,
Taylor