Listening to: Zoe Keating
Here's to five years... I finally put the pen on paper. Being that it has been so long since I have attempted to write anything worth reading, please- for my sake, go easy on me :)
Here goes nothing.
Will anything stop this monotonous drive that keeps the blood flowing ...the thoughts playing over and over like a tragic play that leaves you unsatisfied with its ending?
I have been treading these dark waters for days...the days turn to weeks, which bend to months and years... still... treading... fighting... and yet for what?
The questions flood my brain... to the brim until they spill over onto the pages of this un satiating book... I am writing a story... with every tear, every smile, every youthful lighthearted laugh.. and yet the pages seem empty.
This heavy novel is lack lustre.. its missing its plot, the meaning of it all, which might make sense of this disaster called life... 'twere it there.
Nonethe 'less, I fill these pages with the bleeding emotions that compose my aching heart.
What is? Why? And how did I find myself here? In this void of a life?
Lacking a meaning for which it thrives... still beats...
a heavy, constant drumming... still beating... never ceasing...
Was it all truly supposed to be this way? At the ripe age of twenty I find myself longing to be picked- fruitful and ready to begin a rich demise.
Yet here I lay amongst the thriving leaves and branches of these beautiful oxygen filled and life giving trees.
Beautiful and fleeting. Sweet but all too soon turned sour.
Much like the Russian cigarette that delicately rests between my tired fingers, I am fading all too fast... too soon to be enjoyed.. and too soon tossed aside to burn out alone.
I find myself longing for more... unsatisfied with the reality of what is.
Does it get better?
I smell the sweet air and I feel it against my bare skin.. yet I can't quite grasp it...the air... I am gasping... treading... treading... treading...
Now the only question left is do I sink or swim...
1 comment:
Here is some word in its written form... maybe some inspiration for you. I met this guy at a camp.
Timothy Palmer writes:
"What if you had one last thing to say?"
What if you had one last thing to say?
Would it be, "There's no day but today?"
Or, "Always brush your teeth-
Appearance is of utmost importance."
Or would it be something a little more
potent-
Perhaps you'd talk about whales,
The significance of story,
Or, lessons learned from history,
"Seek honor, fame and glory?"
Maybe you'd appeal to freedom,
The necessity of Democracy
Or rant and rave about Depravity
And all the social ills you see.
Or would you say…
Remember that we are each other-
That You are not fully You
Without Me being Me
And that when I am not I
We cannot be fully We.
You see, humanity's connected
We're like on big family
And that brothers and sisters should love,
Not be caught up in the tragedy
That unravels like a sweater
Loose at the seams
and
becomes one thread of violence that spans our history.
At least that's what it seems
From our radios and TVs…
But I see a brighter future dawning
Beginning with these
Students here before me
Listening to my plea- Please,
Be people of peace instead of machines of war,
Pay homage at the graves of King, Lincoln, and Ghandi
And others who came before.
Patch quilts out of the scraps of life that seemingly have no use,
Plant seeds of hope and human dignity and water them with truth.
Be men and women of quiet courage using words and not abuse,
And if words come to blows, as the wisdom goes, "Be wise in the words you choose."
Always Hope. Always Love. Build up
Don't ever stoop to breaking;
Unless the breaking consists of tearing
Down walls and barriers of our own making.
Which brings me back to the survey I was taking,
"What if you had one last thing you could say?"
Would you choose…
A. Always Hope, see the best in others
B. Be positive, we're all sisters and brothers
C. See opportunity when others see struggles or,
D. Depend on the power of words instead of the power of the knuckles
All of these can be summed up by one word LOVE, so my choice is
E. All of the above.
Taylor, I love this line:
"Don't ever stoop to breaking;
Unless the breaking consists of tearing
Down walls and barriers of our own making."
You are loved lil boots!!! Love your church and be THE church. You are doing great things. Stop and smile for a bit.
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